Can This Marriage Be Saved?

Whoever said that marriage is easy, either does not live on planet earth or is single.  Is it a mystery that the passion between a husband and a wife can change to deep resentment and hatred after time? There can come a point in a relationship where one or both individual/s can get fed up.You may have threatened to leave the marriage in the past because of various reasons… but you didn’t. 

In spite of the pain that was inflicted on you, there was something inside of you that wanted the relationship to work. But were you hoping against all hope? You have forgiven repeatedly the offenses of your spouse. But the problems continue to plague your marriage. A home once filled with laughter and passion has now become a cold and lifeless place to live. You are now weary in your spirit. You no longer feel love for your wife (husband). You don’t even care about brokenness of the relationship. You don’t care what people will say any more. You have reached the point of no return- the point when you question, 'Can this marriage be saved?'

Hundreds and probably thousands of dollars were spent on professional counseling and buying relationship books. But you are still left feeling that you don’t have any fight left within to make it work or even the desire to want it to work.  

It's a fact. There are a lot of people who feel unhappy in their marriage. You may know friends, families or acquaintances who are in this position. Heck, this may also be your reality right now. A woman once said that she has changed her mind about marriage. She refused to sign an agreement for an arrangement where many who have signed to it are either living their lives in total regret or have been divorced.

But… how do couples reach this point? And how do you know when your marriage is really over?

 Is it when my spouse says, "I don't love you anymore?" Is it after an affair takes place? How do you really know?

A point to note is, a breakup, divorce or separation does not happen instantly… well for most part. Separation begins in the heart long before anyone decides to move out of the house. It starts when the husband and wife are no longer each other top priority. It is further intensified when arguments happen over such things as an unsatisfying to nonexistent sex life, children, finances, in-laws, lack of loyalty and respect for one another, blended families, household responsibilities- just to name a few.

If these arguments continue to plague the marriage, an overwhelming sense of hopelessness can set in and push the marriage to the point of either one or both spouses asking the question, ‘Can this marriage be saved?’

But can things get so messed up that leaving the marriage seems to be the only path of relief?  

Well, keep reading to find out how to identify the warning signs that often indicate your spouse has given up on the marriage.

Firstly, has your spouse reached ‘The Point of No Return?’ What is the ‘Point of No Return’ in a marriage? Is there such a thing? Good question.

 In most cases, your marriage is NOT over when: Your spouse moves out or when he (she) says the infamous, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore." When your spouse threatens you with divorce And believe it or not, in some cases, your marriage is NOT even over when...your spouse files for divorce. Your marriage is NOT over when your spouse begs, pleads, argues, screams, storms out of the house or turns the whole family against you.

Quite the contrary, The Point of No Return in a marriage IS confirmed when your spouse looks at you as if he (she) were dead. There is no life in your spouse's voice and no life in his/her eyes. Your spouse doesn't get angry with you. S/he simply tells you when the divorce papers are going to be served. S/he's already gone to the court house, found an attorney and has a service date set for the divorce proceedings. Your marriage is most likely over when your spouse has made complete lists of assets and debts which has both your names on them.  Your spouse has already decided on the custody plan and cleaned out any bank accounts with their name and yours and closed all the credit cards that you share.

You've gone WAY beyond an "unhappy marriage" when your spouse has talked many times to the children about divorce and they are now either scared, angry, hurt, confused or emotionally shut down. There's a good chance your marriage is over when your spouse doesn't care about how your children feel about it.  S/he is only acting for his/her own survival at this point and s/he has repeatedly convinced him/herself that "The kids are good, they'll be fine." S/he may have even said that to friends and relatives.

This is the REAL Point of No Return. No one can save your marriage at this point. Not a priest, pastor or marriage counselor.

So How Did this Happen? A marriage gets to this point because we live in a society that is convinced that once you are married, there is nothing you need to learn about marriage and nothing you need to practice. All you need is love. If you don't have love, then it's all your fault that your marriage failed.

With such myth, you kept on doing exactly what you always did...your version of love. You treated your spouse the same way your father treated your mother...or vice versa. You kept on doing the same thing and kept on getting the same results. Your spouse could not help you to help him/her. No matter how many times s/he told you how to meet his/her needs, you couldn't hear...you just couldn't understand. Marriages that ends in divorce or separation is usually built on the same system.

If your spouse has not yet passed the Point of No Return, then you can still save your marriage; there is still hope for the two of you. Start by making a change. As difficult as this may be, you cannot change your spouse, but the atmosphere in your home can be improved if both of you are willing to do whatever is necessary to renew your marriage. If you love your wife (husband), then your marriage is worth fighting for.

The longer you wait to restore a broken marriage, the longer it will take to mend the union. Many couples could have saved their marriages but they simply waited too long and before they knew it, their spouse had reached the Point of No Return. 

So my message to you is DON'T WAIT. Do something for your marriage TODAY...before it's too late.

Click Here for a useful resource that has helped restore many broken relationships.   

Disclaimer: This post is not legal advice. It is not meant to replace marriage counseling.